This account of the Christmas story (bsed on Luke 2, vv1 to 20) has been filched from an American site and slightly amended for British use. You can see the original on
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from HM Treasury that all of Britain should go shopping. (And this decree was first made when George Osborne was Chancellor of the Exchequer, as his policy of expansionary fiscal contraction had caused leading economic indicators to dip to their lowest point.)
And all went out to shop, each to his own centre.
And a Christian also went up from his suburban home to the city with its many centres because he wanted to prove he was from the household of prosperity. And with him was his wife, who was great with economic worry.
And so it was, that, while they were there, they found many expensive presents, pudgy-faced dolls, trucks that turn into robots, and a various assortment of video (and computer) games. And the woman wrote cheques for those they could afford and charged the rest on many different kinds of plastic cards; she wrapped the presents in bright paper and laid them in the garage; for there was no room for them in her closet.
And there were in the same country children keeping watch over their stockings by night. And, lo, Santa Claus came upon them; and they were sore afraid (expecting to see the special effects, they had seen in the cinemas).
And Santa said to them, “Fear not; for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people who can afford it. For unto you will be given this day, in your suburban home, great feasts of turkey, dressing, and cake – and many presents. And this shall be a sign unto you: you shall find the presents wrapped in bright paper, lying beneath an artificial tree adorned with tinsel, coloured balls, and lights.”
And suddenly there was with Santa Claus a multitude of relatives and friends, praising one another and saying, “Glory to you for getting me this gift; it’s just what I’ve always wanted.”
And it came to pass, as the friends and relatives were gone away into their own homes, the parents said to one another, “I am glad that’s over. What a mess! I’m too tired to clean it up now. Let’s go to bed and pick it up tomorrow.”
And when they had said this, they remembered the statement that had been told them by the shopkeepers: “Christmas comes only once a year.” And they that heard it wondered at those things that were sold to them by the shopkeepers, but the children treasured all their things in their hearts, hoarding their toys from each other.
And the parents, after a drink, went to bed, glorifying and praising each other for all the bargains they had found in the stores